


Olive Garden Is an Awkward Double Date

by completelyhopeless



Series: Darcy and the Hood [23]
Category: DCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comment Fic, Community: comment_fic, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor, possibly inappropriate humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:51:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3231746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy and Jason double date with Dick and Babs. It doesn't go well at first. Then it does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Olive Garden Is an Awkward Double Date

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TourmalineQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TourmalineQueen/gifts).



> For the prompt: _[Any, any/any, taking food off someone else's plate](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/457657.html?thread=71302329#t71302329)_
> 
> I was looking for a way to write something fluffy for Dick and Babs, and I'd kind of discussed a double date with Tuxedo_elf in comments, and so then when I stumbled on the prompt, I thought I'd give it a try.
> 
> It got kind of weird on me, and the humor is probably out of line.
> 
> Also, this takes some influence from the circus birds AU because Dick and Babs use sign language. Though Dick knowing it is apparently canon. I think why/how he knows it is still from my AU, at least.

* * *

_Remind me why I'm doing this again._

Barbara smiled, and Dick knew she was fighting laughter. He gave her a look, but she just kept smiling as she used her hands to answer. _Because Jason actually wanting to do stuff with us without trying to kill us is a good thing. Seems like this girl has been a good influence on him._

Dick sighed. _It's not that I don't like Darcy. It's not that I don't think she's good for him. I think she's great. I think she's done a lot to make him more... normal. I just don't think us having a double date is a good idea._

“You know, talking with your hands could be considered rude,” Darcy said, leaning across the table to grab a breadstick from the basket.

Dick grimaced. “Sorry. Force of habit. I lost my hearing for a while as a kid. Babs and I talk this way a lot. And since _someone_ hit me over the head the other night, I've been having issues again.”

“Jason,” Darcy said, hitting him on the arm. “I told you—no hurting Dick.”

“He's not dead,” Jason said, shrugging. “It's a couple of bruises—”

“A grade three concussion,” Barbara corrected, and Dick glared at her because it was not that bad—not as bad as she made it sound—and he didn't need anyone else fussing over him. “And the bruises were on his ribs next to a cut that should have had stitches.”

“Who's counting?” Jason asked, taking a bite of his breadstick. Dick gave him a thin smile, but someone kicked the table, and then Jason was glaring at Darcy.

“No sex for you,” she told him. “I warned you about hurting your family.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “We're at Olive Garden. You know that won't last.”

“Just because the breadsticks make me think of—”

“Would you two like to be alone?” Dick asked, feeling Babs' hand connect hard with his own leg. He let out a breath. _Come on. This isn't working. We all know it isn't._

She took his hand, giving it a squeeze. He forced himself to stay calm. If Babs was right—and Babs was always right—this was a good step toward Jason reconciling with the family. Dick had to play his part, though Jason never made this easy.

Dick cleared his throat. “So, Darcy, your graduation is coming up soon, right?”

“Couple months,” she answered. She shook her head. “I have no idea what I'm going to do after that. I guess I could keep on being Jane's assistant, but she's an astrophysicist and my major was political science. I should probably find something that fits what I do best.”

“I told her she could join the superhero gig. She's not bad with a taser.”

“Um, Jason,” Dick began after choking on his water. “You know that—”

“Relax,” Darcy said. “He's just saying that because he doesn't like the other idea. You know, the one where I put the other talents he likes to good use on film.”

That time it was Barbara who choked on her drink. She waved Dick off before he could try and help her. He thought Babs knew what to expect with Darcy—he knew he'd told her just about every detail of their previous encounters, but he must have left too much out for Barbara to be shocked by anything. “Jealous, Jason?”

“No, just trying not to think about the bad Batman porn that's out there.”

Dick gagged. “I thought we agreed that was never to be discussed again. Ever.”

“You two are kidding, right? There's not really a bunch of Batman porn out there and you did not actually watch it,” Darcy said, looking between the three of them. “You did? Why? Weren't you all like... adopted by him and that's kind of creepy? No, _very_ creepy.”

“You know that show Mystery Science Theater 3000?”

“Yes.”

“That was our lives once,” Barbara said with a shudder, leaning against Dick. “I hate having an eidetic memory. I can't get that out of my head.”

“I know,” Dick agreed. “I swear I started screaming every time Bruce said something using the words 'old chum.' Even cried once.”

“You are teasing me,” Darcy said, and Jason looked at her, waiting. She started laughing, making everyone else in the restaurant look over like she'd had too much to drink. “You are all officially awesome. I can't believe you pulled that off with straight faces.”

“We've had practice,” Barbara told her. “Lots of practice.”

“And we worked with an emotional cripple who did his best to teach us how _not_ to show any kind of emotion. Or reaction,” Dick added, drinking from his water.

“No, but what made it great was that you all three worked together to pull it off,” Darcy said, spearing some of Jason's pasta with her fork. “I mean, for people who supposedly can't get along, that was good.”

“Jason never really hated Babs,” Dick said. “It's just me he can't stand.”

“And Bruce. And the Replacement. And the demon spawn.”

“Right, them,” Dick said, forcing a smile. He watched as Darcy continued to eat off Jason's plate, not touching her own. Barbara nudged him with her elbow.

“I thought you said you wanted to try some, FBW,” she said, and he considered asking her if she was jealous, though that would go badly. He wasn't watching Darcy eat because she was pretty or because she thought he had a nice ass. He was watching her eat because she was stealing food off Jason's plate and not dying for it.

“I do,” he said. “I was just waiting for permission.”

Babs smiled back and held out her fork, letting him have a bite. He took it and forced himself to swallow it down without too much of a reaction because they had already discussed porn enough for one night. All the same, he kissed her, because if that had been his food, he wouldn't have shared.

“Oh, I almost thought you'd do that Lady and the Tramp spaghetti thing,” Darcy said. “You two are so adorable.”

Jason made a noise and Dick shook his head. “Not always. There has been some stuff between us that was definitely not cute.”

Darcy nodded. “Yeah, I know how that goes.”

“Speaking of not cute, what the hell, Darcy? Where is all of my food?” Jason demanded, finally noticing that his plate was almost empty. “You said you weren't going to have much even after I told that if you went on a diet I'd have to shoot someone, but you ate all my food?”

She smiled. “The calories don't count if I didn't order them.”

“I know it's flawed, but I like that argument,” Barbara said, taking a forkful off of Dick's plate. He smiled, enjoying watching her reaction—she didn't say much or make any noises, but he knew she liked the food and that little bit of sauce by her mouth was tempting.

“You know, this must really be love,” Dick said, and Barbara eyed him suspiciously. “Darcy ate Jason's food and lived.”

Babs laughed. Jason grumbled. Darcy smiled, leaning close to him and holding up a bite from her own plate. “Want to share? I ordered it for you.”


End file.
